Has anyone seen Inside Out? If you have, its it awesome! Gotta love Pixar. For those that haven’t, you must watch it this weekend – its On Demand! On its onset, it looks like any other lovely Pixar movie: entertaining story, fun characters, appropriate for kids, but includes subtle jabs and sarcasm for adults. Inside Out is a movie that tells the story of a young girl going through some stressful and life-changing events and showcases how her personality changes through these experiences. Much deeper, it shows how our emotions evolve from the simple (joy, sadness, fear, anger, disgust) when we’re young to the more complex (happy memories that make us sad, fearful challenges that make us feel courageous and strong). Every experience shapes us. Which means, we continually evolve, our personality continues to develop, and we are continually experiencing new emotional complexities. Well, this is deep for a Friday! Besides being one of my favorite movies, it also has one of my favorite taglines: ‘Every day is full of emotions.” I love it so much….because it is legit the story of my life right now.
Does anyone else feel this way? At least some days? Am I just strangely complex? I don’t think I go through the roller coaster of emotion every day….but definitely more often than not right now. I’m trying hard to figure out how to manage this day-to-day.
Take today for example. I woke up tired, but in an ok mood. I went to SoulCycle (yay!) for a 6am class. Within that hour alone, I started off with being tired. I should have just taken today off from working out. Why do you have to work out every day Andrea? That kind of mood. Then that evolved into feeling challenged with some of the interval work we were doing and doubting whether I could last the full 45 minutes. Then, I finished with that feeling of go-getterness (real word?), proud of my kick-ass workout, happy I woke up before the sun came up, and ready to take on the day! (This is very much the main reason I workout btw. More important than the health benefits, the mental benefits of me working out before doing anything else with my day, are tremendous.) Then I get ready for the day and its time for my ‘what should be a 15 min’ commute. I feel like I’m playing Mario Cart on a daily basis here – avoiding pot holes so much I look like a drunk driver, checking Waze to figure out whether that right turn will allow me to save one whole minute on my commute, laughing or singing with the radio, and wondering how much money I need to make in order to hire a driver full time. Throughout the day, I continue to go up and down with emotions. Energized when presenting in a meeting, motivated when helping someone on my team, happy when laughing with co-workers turned friends, stressed when thinking about my career and where I should be focusing, annoyed when feeling like things are moving fast enough. And let’s not even talk about what happens when I check in on social media. Oh – another person is having a baby! And someone else is living happily ever after. And that person is traveling to that country I’ve been dying to go to! If you’re not exhausted after reading this roller coaster of emotions, then you’re stronger than me! (Oh and by the way, that really only took us to 11am).
So obviously there are parts of this that are natural and good. But then there are parts of this that really get to me. I get paralyzed thinking about my career some days and impatient with wanting to know I’m following the right trajectory and frustrated wondering what it is I truly want to do with my career. I get SUPER SUPER sad when I think about the fact that I might never have a family and kids of my own. Like SUPER sad. Will I get to be a mom some day? I sure hope so. This one, by far, kills me the most. Worrying about the future – classic no-no.
In the last year, I learned a lot about choosing your mindset. We can’t stop how we feel – that’s how we feel! I so hate when ppl say “Well, don’t feel that way.” No – that’s how I feel, I can’t ignore it and I’ve tried changing it….its not really possible! We are, however, in control of what we choose to do with those emotions we’re feeling. We’ll always have things happen to us that frustrates us, makes us angry, sad, or pessimistic. But its up to us to figure out what we do with those feelings. Do we wallow in those feelings or do we use the feelings to charge us up, motivate us, or stop to think of another perspective?
I think I’ll always be someone that feels a lot of a lot and someone that is always super-aware of all those feelings. Easier said than done, but I do have some advice for anyone of you that are in a similar position. Its a daily reflection exercise. See if its helpful, see if you need to tweak it for you. It has helped me and I continue to go back to this framework to take control of my situation and prevent myself from getting sucked into a black hole…or a “glass case of emotion!”
- Take the time for yourself: Some times I’ll go a couple weeks where I make sure I dedicate time every day to just focusing on me and what I’m going through. This might sound very type A, but I put a daily block on my calendar and respect it by using the time to write down what I’m feeling and what mindset I’m going to choose. Making it a daily thing helps make it a routine and, in turn, helps it become second nature and easier to do ‘in the moment.’
- Write stuff down: Grab a pencil and paper or open up that google doc. Journals are fun, but I’ve just found that google sheets is my way forward. So techy. Actually writing some of this down allows me to acknowledge it and really think about what I’m going to do. It puts me more into an action seat. When it is written down, its real. Super helpful, I swear!
- Recognize what you’re feeling: Don’t try to change how you are feeling. Take the time to acknowledge the emotions you’re experiencing. Give yourself credit. Its what you’re experiencing.
- Think through why you’re feeling that emotion: Ever have a pit in your stomach and wonder why? Make sure you know. If you can identify the why, then you can act on responding to the why. Rather than just staying in that state of being. Sometimes I also find it helpful to list out all the questions I have rumbling in my head related to what I’m feeling. When I write those down I can see clearly what may seem like crazy questions/ideas and which ones are genuinely ones I should find answers to.
- Acknowledge your behaviors when you feel this way: How does this effect how you interact with other people? Are you able to focus? Are you mean and snappy? Its important to see how the emotions go from internal to external real quick!
- Now, write down what mindsets you want to choose for the day: Be intentional. Recognizing what you’re going through, how do you want to go forward with the day? Who is the person you want to be today? What do you want to do today given how you’re feeling? Sometimes, you might not have anything specific, but other times you might be able to articulate specific actions you can take to address some of what you’re feeling.
- Take action: Doing this daily reflection during the day or mid-day, means you can go about your day with those things in mind. Try hard to choose that mindset and stick to it. Make a commitment to yourself. This is to benefit YOU.
So the first installment of Feisty Friday was a bit more emotional that expected, but hopefully helpful for all of you out there! Regardless of my day full of emotions, I’m focusing on celebrating that today is Friday, I had a great work out this morning, I accomplished some key things today at work, and I’m going to laugh with family tonight. Not a bad day. (as I’m saying this, know that I’m still sad, but trying hard to keep my commitment to my chosen mindset and being positive) Have a good weekend!
– A